"love is what we were born with. fear is what we have learned here. the spiritual journey is the relinquishment- or unlearning -of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. love is the essential existential fact. it is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. to be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life."  Marianne Williamson [A Return to Love]

i have a confession to make. i'm not 100% secure with myself, and there are days where i feel ugly, lame, uninspired, not enough for my partner. i feel just like a ghost floating along in a sea of bustling, red-faced, twinkling eyed, "jot-in-my-step" faces. sometimes i get in funks where i am sad for no apparent reason and have absolutely no idea how to pull myself out. i over-analyze, leave little room for human error in my relationships with others, self-attack, and all but jump to invite a miserable acceptance. then i pull myself up somehow, remind myself that i am wonderful and loved, talk myself into being cheery, and call up my closest source of joy (mom, my boyfriend, close friends, etc.). but somehow, despite everything and everyone reminding me of my blessings, i eventually sink. AGAIN. so my question, at this place in my life, is:
"where do i find a lasting peace? one that accepts downs, but transcends them. one that invites self-love and acceptance?"

in love, in myself. i am reading this book (see: above quote) and studying some spiritual theories. love is already always there, inside us, part of us and the world around us. it is meditating on, and taking that step to accept it, that i have begun to find some peace. don't get me wrong, i am still on a journey, having days of hope and days of struggle. but i am only human. i think too many times people have a hard time accepting and admitting that they don't have it all figured out. but maybe that is the first step: this awareness, to making inner changes that we so desperately need.